I didn't write this for Valentines day. It just happened to be around that time when I connected all my dots. But yes, this blog is about the L word. Love. The mushy gooshy stuff. So be prepared or exit. That was a joke don't actually stop reading. You got this far so keep on keeping on. You are so close to being done.
Have you ever felt so deeply about the pain you see other people going through you honestly wish you could take their place? Insert yourself into their story just to ease the burdens? Whether the pain you are witnessing is physical, emotional, or spiritual you just want them to be where you are. You want to give up everything you have gained in this life just to help this loved one. That's the love we are talking about.
I first had these feelings toward a young girl I knew. A girl who was raised in a broken home and abused in the worst sense. Neglected by the adults who chose drugs over her kids. Beaten by the adults who accused her of being overweight at the age of 8. Adults who let creeps take advantage of her before she knew what love was. I honestly didn't believe some of these stories could be real. Could someone actually let these things happen to their own child? As time went on I could see the effects it had on her and had no other choice. It had to be real.
The outcome of a childhood like this are tragic. Severe depression to the point of suicidal thoughts and even failed attempts. An eating disorder or even multiple eating disorders including bulimia and anorexia. A lack of self confidence, drug abuse, sexual promiscuity, and the list goes on. This is the girl I was having these feelings toward. I desperately wanted her to be healthy. I wanted to put myself through her pain so that she could have my life. Impossible, I know but that is what I wanted. Was I crazy having these thoughts? Could someone really want to switch places like this? I did. Everything in me wanted some crazy "Freaky Friday" situation. To give her my life. A life with parents who loved and guided me and led me toward God. Friends to correct me and set me back on my path. I wanted her to have it all.
Months after being around her and seeing God's redemption another situation rises. She was getting ready to hangout with her little sister. Hearing her heartbreak for her sister was saddening. Talking about her childhood and seeing her baby sister in the same situation would be unbearable for most. That's when I heard it. "Why do I get the good ending? Why can't I be in my sisters spot again? Why can't she have the rewards I've been blessed with?" That was it. That was the same feeling I had for her. This must be what love is. This must be a deeper love.
Now I'm here connecting dots. This deeper love. This is real love. A sacrificial love. A love that says I'm going to lay down my life for you love. I've read about this love before. A love that began with the God that is love. "1 John 4:8 Whoever does not know love does not know God, because God is love." Yeah this god. The God who saw how broken his creation was. The only God who literally could take someone's place. He did better. He sent his son to take all our places. That same feeling me and this girl were experiencing must of been the way God felt toward all of us. Yeah talk about connecting dots.
A couple more dots if you are still following. This feeling must of been the same feeling when Paul said the following. "Romans 9:3 For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race." Maybe a little intense. Maybe a little too intense for me at this point in my life but still the same thought of a sacrificial love.
And now to tie it all together hopefully. To look at those dots we connected and figure out the picture. Maybe this deeper love I'm talking about is God given. A love god already gave to us. A love that we are to pass on to others because we know the truth. " 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we weeill be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." Sounds like it right? Man, God is SOOOO good. God is SOOOO much love.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Monday, August 8, 2011
It's your boy, Ramoi!
Well first of all, thank you for visiting and you're welcome, for putting my thoughts online for you to read. Being my first blog post ever and not actually knowing what I'm going to write about I think I'll just tell you a little story.
I grew up going to church. Started out at a small conservative baptist church off of Lancaster and ended up at First Baptist downtown around 4th grade. I grew up with pretty solid guide lines of how to live my life. You know. Sin = Bad Don't do it. I did a pretty solid job. Breezed through school without any problems. Never got in trouble. I was a good yet boring kid. Life was monotonous going through the motions of what I thought being a christian was. That being go to church on Sunday, don't do drugs, obey your parents, treat others as you want to be treated, the general guidelines. All of which I think should be done but my God at the time was a distant all powerful being with rules to follow. Things didn't change or even make sense until I moved out around the age of 22. I lived with some friends in North Salem and had a blast. We had some pretty solid gatherings of people. (alcohol and fun provided) Nothing bad ever happened we just drank and enjoyed life. I lived outside my box of Christianity during the week and would enjoy being a christian on Sundays. During these days I also started reading daily devotionals every once in a while and eventually worked my way into indulging into the bible. It was an interesting time because I had my feet on both sides of the fence of life. Not fully committing to either side.You could say I was double dipping.
Then my life would change. I was being recruited. I remember countless days staying up late and chatting with a friend about spiritual questions I had. My question one night was something along the lines of "How can someone notice the difference between a christian and someone who is not a christian and just genuinely happy?" Sure Christians are supposed to be the light in the world but I know plenty of people who are just as happy if not happier then most Christians. So I took my question to a Man who would give God the opportunity to rock my world. I asked a friend from work, someone I knew would have an answer. But the answer isn't what I needed. It was a question he would ask me. He asked If I had ever had a bad day. Honestly, I didn't know how to respond. Sure there are days that I would like to keep to myself, or days that I wish had a fast forward but a "bad" day was something I had yet to experience. Especially when comparing my life with most of the world. I have parents that love me. I have a house, a job, a car. I simply told him that I couldn't say that I did. I told him how I felt and told him I was interested in how I would respond to such a day. When would I really have had a bad day? Be careful what you ask for... God Listens.
So I left work that afternoon and was on my way to run some errands. I quickly charged my phone when I got home and headed out to the liquor store. I had some alcohol to purchase for a Halloween party the roommates and I had planned. On my way there a warning light came on in my car. "Electrical System Error" I ignored it as any poor young college student would do and drove on. I hung out with some friends that night, watched some football, met up for some food, hung out with the family and then was ready to drive home from South Salem. I hopped on the free way at the Kuebler entrance and headed North. As I was driving my car stereo started turning on and off along with some other warning lights including the ABS light, oil light, and seat belts light. I was approaching Mission street and decided I was over half way home so I might as well keep driving. As my car continued acting crazy a new message came up. "Break Failure. Pull Over Immediately." So my heart started pounding and I pressed on the breaks... They still worked, Thank God. Nearing the Market street overpass I continued to push my luck with the car. Eventually the luck ran out and I coasted to a stop on top of the overpass. It was barely above freezing and rainy that night. I pulled out my phone to call home and of course it was completely dead. So I got out of my car with some change and started making my trek to Denny's. I got inside and asked to use a phone. They told me to try and use the pay phone at the Fred Meyer gas station. I made it over there and looked around. Eventually coming to the conclusion they didn't have one. That was around the time I realized I had asked for a bad day and was getting it. Does God really listen to me? I easily could have been frustrated at my car, my phone, the Denny's employees. I had plenty of reasons to curse them all. But my world had just been shaken. God isn't a distant God with rules and commands to follow. God is here with me, actively recruiting me, and using other people to do so. The joy of this realization exploded out of me. I burst into singing worship songs as I ran through gravel parking lots, splashing through puddles without a care in the world. God LOVES me enough to give me a "bad day." I eventually made it to a friends house well past 2am and later retrieved my car from the freeway.
That was the begining to an end. It was the begining of a relationship and an end to a religion. The thing is I'm moving toward God now, not away. I'm continuing to build this relationship with him. I'm actively pursuing the God of the Universe rather then being selfish and expecting him to pursue me. I'm far from perfect and will admit it. But I'm living life and doing so with my best friend.
Thanks for reading, Ramoi.
I grew up going to church. Started out at a small conservative baptist church off of Lancaster and ended up at First Baptist downtown around 4th grade. I grew up with pretty solid guide lines of how to live my life. You know. Sin = Bad Don't do it. I did a pretty solid job. Breezed through school without any problems. Never got in trouble. I was a good yet boring kid. Life was monotonous going through the motions of what I thought being a christian was. That being go to church on Sunday, don't do drugs, obey your parents, treat others as you want to be treated, the general guidelines. All of which I think should be done but my God at the time was a distant all powerful being with rules to follow. Things didn't change or even make sense until I moved out around the age of 22. I lived with some friends in North Salem and had a blast. We had some pretty solid gatherings of people. (alcohol and fun provided) Nothing bad ever happened we just drank and enjoyed life. I lived outside my box of Christianity during the week and would enjoy being a christian on Sundays. During these days I also started reading daily devotionals every once in a while and eventually worked my way into indulging into the bible. It was an interesting time because I had my feet on both sides of the fence of life. Not fully committing to either side.You could say I was double dipping.
Then my life would change. I was being recruited. I remember countless days staying up late and chatting with a friend about spiritual questions I had. My question one night was something along the lines of "How can someone notice the difference between a christian and someone who is not a christian and just genuinely happy?" Sure Christians are supposed to be the light in the world but I know plenty of people who are just as happy if not happier then most Christians. So I took my question to a Man who would give God the opportunity to rock my world. I asked a friend from work, someone I knew would have an answer. But the answer isn't what I needed. It was a question he would ask me. He asked If I had ever had a bad day. Honestly, I didn't know how to respond. Sure there are days that I would like to keep to myself, or days that I wish had a fast forward but a "bad" day was something I had yet to experience. Especially when comparing my life with most of the world. I have parents that love me. I have a house, a job, a car. I simply told him that I couldn't say that I did. I told him how I felt and told him I was interested in how I would respond to such a day. When would I really have had a bad day? Be careful what you ask for... God Listens.
So I left work that afternoon and was on my way to run some errands. I quickly charged my phone when I got home and headed out to the liquor store. I had some alcohol to purchase for a Halloween party the roommates and I had planned. On my way there a warning light came on in my car. "Electrical System Error" I ignored it as any poor young college student would do and drove on. I hung out with some friends that night, watched some football, met up for some food, hung out with the family and then was ready to drive home from South Salem. I hopped on the free way at the Kuebler entrance and headed North. As I was driving my car stereo started turning on and off along with some other warning lights including the ABS light, oil light, and seat belts light. I was approaching Mission street and decided I was over half way home so I might as well keep driving. As my car continued acting crazy a new message came up. "Break Failure. Pull Over Immediately." So my heart started pounding and I pressed on the breaks... They still worked, Thank God. Nearing the Market street overpass I continued to push my luck with the car. Eventually the luck ran out and I coasted to a stop on top of the overpass. It was barely above freezing and rainy that night. I pulled out my phone to call home and of course it was completely dead. So I got out of my car with some change and started making my trek to Denny's. I got inside and asked to use a phone. They told me to try and use the pay phone at the Fred Meyer gas station. I made it over there and looked around. Eventually coming to the conclusion they didn't have one. That was around the time I realized I had asked for a bad day and was getting it. Does God really listen to me? I easily could have been frustrated at my car, my phone, the Denny's employees. I had plenty of reasons to curse them all. But my world had just been shaken. God isn't a distant God with rules and commands to follow. God is here with me, actively recruiting me, and using other people to do so. The joy of this realization exploded out of me. I burst into singing worship songs as I ran through gravel parking lots, splashing through puddles without a care in the world. God LOVES me enough to give me a "bad day." I eventually made it to a friends house well past 2am and later retrieved my car from the freeway.
That was the begining to an end. It was the begining of a relationship and an end to a religion. The thing is I'm moving toward God now, not away. I'm continuing to build this relationship with him. I'm actively pursuing the God of the Universe rather then being selfish and expecting him to pursue me. I'm far from perfect and will admit it. But I'm living life and doing so with my best friend.
Thanks for reading, Ramoi.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)